Difference jokes

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?

At least gorillas don't abort their own.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

What's the difference between being gay and straight? Well, it is the hole.

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

Type this in your calculator:

5 days a week (type in 5),

6 different classes (type in 6),

7 hours a day (type in 7),

x

2 semesters (type in 2),

=

flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).