Difference jokes
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between you and an orphan?
Orphans have zero family.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.