Difference jokes

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan?

One has a home to run to.

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?

It's white and it's brown.

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?

People actually have a use for one of them.

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?

The hairline is way straighter.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.