Difference jokes
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What’s harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?
My stepdad did beat cancer.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.