Difference jokes
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.