Difference jokes

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?

They both came in a little behind.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.