What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
