Difference jokes
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
What's the difference between a crumbled man and 9/11... nothing, they're both crumbled.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.