Die jokes
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
{ before Queen Elizabeth ii died :/ she was cracked at fortnite }
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”
He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
All orphans deserve to die if they don't buy KFC.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
You fighting? More like you're dying!
This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!