Die jokes
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.
Demon: Why you sad?
Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?
Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.
Guy: Really? Nice.
Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.
Guy: OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?
Demon: No, you're not a ghost.
Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?
Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?
Demon: Yup.
Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?
Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
My grandpa died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot.