Die jokes

I'm dying... sike, I lied. You thought I died!

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Windows didn’t update in time.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the wifi.

Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Where are people sent to die?

Ross Hall academy.

My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.

I love dccfffghyyhh.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.

Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.

Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.

Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.

Pastor: You deserve to die.

- I attack

Why did the orphan die?

He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.