Die jokes

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.

Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"

Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".

I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

Race car backwards is race car.

Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

Why did the Twin Towers die? Because they had too many plane pizzas.

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Everybody was kung flu dying.

It traveled as fast as lightning.

2020 was expert timing.

In fact, it was a little bit frightening.

Why do my kids die?

Stinky Oussy :D