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If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

Why did the blind woman get raped?

Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.

Why didn't the orphan do the work?

Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.

In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?

Titanic didn't sink by an iceberg.

Titanic sank by 100000000000000000000000 Titanics.

Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?

Because he was standing on the deck!

Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.

She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.

Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?

A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.