On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Why didnt the chicken cross the road He got hit
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
WHY DIDNT THE BITCH ASS SKELETON FLY
CAUSE ME MUM FLEW ALL THE WAY AND TREVOR IS A BOOFAHEAD
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
im a teacher at a highschool but i got fired they told me i didnt do any work even though i always did a skele-ton
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?she didnt have any arms remember!
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Friend 1: I HATE YOU! Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didnt say t-that!! Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored* Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! plz shut up. All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?
let me tell you a story there once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes he didnt want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes he lived in a dorm and all day he watched porn but still he would suck on some corn one day he would go to go choke on some tasty chode but his bros found out gave him a shout and kicked him out yeling that he broke the bro code
