Dick jokes

Sell PC.

Go to Croatia.

Try to fly to the US to meet female.

US won't let me in.

End up in Norway.

Female leaves me.

Female gets arrested by feds.

Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.

Just another day in the defib life.

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Why are Asian's dicks too small?

So they can reset the calculator.

Dick butt.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password.

Me: Sorry mate, it's so short, get a longer one! 🤣

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!