Dick jokes

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

Life is like a penis. It is short.

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Hell you fuck, bitch, dick!

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?

They both ride on my dick.

What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

What's that Pokemon that evolves into macargo?

Slugma.

Slugma dick.

Balls are balls, aka dicks.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"