Dick jokes
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
What's that Pokemon that evolves into macargo?
Slugma.
Slugma dick.
Balls are balls, aka dicks.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
Life is like a penis. It is short.
Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.