Dick jokes

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?

The British are cumming! The British are cumming!

I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.

My dick.

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

A hand is always sad when it sees a dick is going inside.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

My dick is longer than your life.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Dick sucking.

I am gay, is that ok?

I be on top sucking dick all day. I make him bust every day.

Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.