1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? - A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? - he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words... - “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance... - only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours... - lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.
My grief counselor died the other day
He was so good at his job, i don't even care.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
(1968)- Hellen Keller died didn’t you hear? No? Well neither did she..
when does an emo get jealous at a phone ........................... when it dies
HOW DID A MAN KNOW HIS WIFE DIED DISHIS START PILIENG UP
My dad died in the 911, he was a great pilot.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes my uncle died in 9/11... He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
Q:What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney love before he died? A: “holes gonna be big”
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play he died to a crash in minecraft
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible
Stop making 9/11 jokes guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed , but someone died
bin laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1 #justice
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone died.
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash he’s last words were if its a bomb ill give it a 9/11
I said to the emo girl she gets jealous every time her phone dies.
