Depression jokes

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

I laughed at my life so hard.

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

It's still depression, by the way.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."