Definition jokes
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom.
What is a dog?
A pet.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite." Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly." Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game." Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..." Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition or addictionary.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."