Death jokes
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
We really should erect a statue of the guy who killed Hitler.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
If I die, delete my search history.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.