Death jokes
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
What is hard to find but easy to make?
An orphan.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?
When they swear on their mother's grave!
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
How did the orphan lose its parents?
Its parents never came back from getting milk.
What did a skeleton say when he's alone?
"I'm so bonely..."
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.