Death Jokes

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

My grief counsellor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal. I wanted to tell him “well can we get what we both want?” “ I was already planning on dying anyway.”

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Hey reaper!!! Where are you going?? "I finished my job" What about me?-

My fish died and i didnt do anything i just took my fish for a walk

we sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave eric and dylan a shortcut

Whats a dying person least favorite app ? TikTok

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.

1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died

My cousin asked me "What do you think was going through Hitlers mind right before he died"

I told him "Probably a bullet"

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

Did the people of England see a game over sign in the sky when the quean died

When Michael Jackson died people melted him down into lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

Race car backwards is race car but if you turn race car sideways that’s how Paul walker go sent to gods inbox

My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals

What did death say during a helicopter crash?

KOBE!

So my teacher's daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say "What's wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin'".

3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However we aren't that heartless so we'll let you choose your deaths." So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head and said "Viva la France" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested for poison and said "For the queen" and drank the poison. Lastly the American asked for a spoon, the tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself "Try make a canoe out of this one!"