Death jokes
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
If I die, delete my search history.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.