Death jokes
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
Death
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
If I die, delete my search history.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.