Death jokes
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.