Death jokes
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
Sleep, but make it forever.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.