Death jokes

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?

Cause he’s dead.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What’s the best time to commit suicide?

8 a’glock in the morning.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Sleep, but make it forever.