Death Jokes

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

Sleep, but make it forever.

Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...

What’s the best time to commit suicide?

8 a’glock in the morning.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

For sale: Dead canary.

Not going cheep.

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.