Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
