Death jokes

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What’s the best time to commit suicide?

8 a’glock in the morning.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?

Cause he’s dead.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

Sleep, but make it forever.

Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”