Death jokes
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
It works, my brother has never slept better
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.