How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Sleep, but make it forever.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
