Death jokes
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.