Death jokes
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
Memes
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)