Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
Juice WRLD died a legend. Making these jokes won't get you anywhere. Grow up.
An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
Don't joke about Juice WRLD; he died a hard life, so get f***ed.
Technoblade!
Please tell me you understand this...
Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?
A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
