Death jokes
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
What would you do if you were killed?
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"