Death jokes

What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.

Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

Just to an orphan.

Orphan: You're stupid.

You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

What's a zig zag and made of wood?

Stephen's coffin.

Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?

A: The dead body had a family.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His power went out.

Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?

Because his last parents existed.

I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"