Death jokes

The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.

I heard Microsoft got charged, why?

They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.

Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.

"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Little Johnny died.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?

A: A few weeks.

Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."

"Sing in music lesson"

"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."

How do you kill a Catholic?

Crucify them...

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

Why am I happy? I'm dead.

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

Penis, neck, rope?

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"