Death jokes
Killing someone is better than killing yourself.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
He's dead.
My life.
Kill me, please.
Why did he die so soon? Oh, I know, he forgot to plug in his charger!
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
Please encourage me to do suicide! ;P
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.
I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA