Death jokes
Why did he die so soon? Oh, I know, he forgot to plug in his charger!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to get the free cracked version of Windows 10.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
He's dead.
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.
I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"