Death jokes
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?
Dad: . . .
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.