I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "this lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Y did Steven hawking die he didn’t pay his electricity bills
Don't be scared of skeletons
They don't have the guts for murder
I'd tell a necrophilia joke but they've been done to death.
So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
I told a crippled guy he is immortal cause he cant kick the bucket
Where do suicide bombers go after death? Everywhere.
what did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? Safe life repair, safe life replace!
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper
*An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can't reach it so she calls her son for help* *a few minutes later* son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- *slips and noose chokes her to death*
