Death jokes

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.

What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

Famous last words:

"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Roses are red.

My soul is black.

I am never getting my dad back.

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

She was too young.

How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.

How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.