Death jokes
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.