Death jokes
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
Why did the skeleton feel alone?
He was BONEsome.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What do emos do?
Hang.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Why is the skeleton sad and alone?
Because he is with nobody.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.