Death jokes
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.