Death jokes

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to download a free version of Windows.

A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...

The "P" in Batman stands for parents.

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make him clap until his parents come back.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?

She died the next weekend.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.