What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
Death Jokes
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
