Where did the orphan go after the orphanage blew up everywhere?
Death Jokes
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
