Death jokes
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
Cut.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
Why did the chicken kill himself?
To get to the other side.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...