Death jokes
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!
Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?