Death jokes
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?