Death jokes
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why is the skeleton sad and alone?
Because he is with nobody.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?
One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.