Death jokes
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Where was Stephen Hawking buried?
In a black hole. 😂🤣
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?