What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Don't leave us hanging, Sayori.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
