Death jokes
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Cut.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.