Death jokes
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."