Death jokes
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.
Where did the orphan go after the orphanage blew up everywhere?
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"