Death jokes
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
I ate all of your mommy's orphans.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.