If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Death Jokes
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?
Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
