A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )