Dead jokes

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

What do you call a dad without a dad joke?

Dead.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

Why though?

Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."