Dead Jokes

Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?

A dead cripple.

A meme with a pink background and an image of Gordon Ramsay's face in the top right corner. The text on the image says, "build a gordon ramsay insult". The meme has three columns under the "this is you" format to build an insult, the columns are organized by digit of birth date or like.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?

Because it's dead.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.

Why though?

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?

Nothing because he's dead.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"