Dead jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?

Because it's dead.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

My dog died today. 😥

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

The walking dead.

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"