Dead jokes
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
My dog died today. 😥
I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...
The walking dead.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
What is a necrophile's least favorite game?
The Walking Dead.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?