Dead jokes

Twin monks who ring the church bells died.

Now they are dead ringers. :)

I ate a man because he was dead!

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

Your Nan is dead.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Why can't we see a camel?

Because it's camelflauged!

Look, it's the dead center of town!

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

Kid: I want to be like Batman.

Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.

Genie: I told you.

Kid: .............................................

I remember my grandfather's last words:

"Are you holding the ladder?"

What did the lampost say to the other lampost?

Nothing, because it can't speak.

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?

1 baby on 10,000 trees.

Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.

Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝

I'm dead inside.

Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?

When he is dead.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"