Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
Dead Jokes
Look, it's the dead center of town!
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
I'm dead inside.
Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?
When he is dead.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
