Dead jokes

Isaac

You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."

The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.

Why can't you kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?

A dead baby can't feed a family.

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?

I don't worship Jesus.

What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?

Stopping it with a pitchfork.

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

What type of apple grows on a tree?

All of them.