Dead jokes
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?
No, because he is dead.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?
Because it's dead.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.