911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?
'Cause he's dead like their parents!
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What the worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
buy kfc= 1 dead orphan in your house
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
