Dead jokes

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

New horror movie idea.

The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

Because he is DEAD.

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.

Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?

So they can reunite with their dead family.

What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?

They can’t say no.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.