Dead

Dead jokes

Rape

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

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  • Morgue

    "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

    "To the morgue."

    "What? But I’m not dead yet!"

    "And we’re not there yet."

    Dead Baby

    What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

    I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

    Memes

    Class

    I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

    A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

    Lamborghini

    What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

    Basement

    what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

    I don't bowl.

    Anime

    New horror movie idea.

    The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.

    Zombie

    What do you call a zombie?

    Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

    Road Trip

    Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

    Angel

    You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

    We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

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  • Skeleton

    What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

    Orphan

    Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?

    So they can reunite with their dead family.

    KFC

    Become an anti-furry for free KFC and dead orphans in your basement.

    School

    Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

    The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

    Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

    Hooker

    The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

    Ash

    Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

    He gets to tear that ass up one more time.