Dead jokes

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.

FUCKING MENT

A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.

Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.

I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3-year-old gender-affirmed girls.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

I ate a man because he was dead!

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.