Dead jokes
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
Roses are red,
Lilies are white,
One race ends up dead
And the other ends up bright.
What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?
A dead man with AIDS.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
HARRY POTTER MEMES
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.
Why wasn’t the rabbit jumping?
Because he was dead.
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.
Demon: Why you sad?
Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?
Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.
Guy: Really? Nice.
Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.
Guy: OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?
Demon: No, you're not a ghost.
Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?
Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?
Demon: Yup.
Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?
Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.
He's dead.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?
Because it's dead.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*