Day jokes
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
What month has 28 days?
All of them.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.