Day jokes

What is shark's favorite day?

Chewsday.

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What is 14 inches long and starts with D?

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

What time is it? It's time for lunch.

*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.