Day

Day jokes

Receipt

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

Pizza

On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

Pet

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

Orphan

Why did the orphan go outside the school?

Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.

Memes

Basement

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

Right

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

CPR

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

Dog

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Father's Day

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

Orphanage

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

Handcuff

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Mama

Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.

Orphan

I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.

Ring

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.