Day jokes
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Someday you'll go far.
One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.
Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."
Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
When do cows moo? Moosday.
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.
One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?