Day jokes
Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
Hi 👋, was the day you?
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
Q: Why are flat-earthers seen so many these days? A: Because one girl wore an earth-printed shirt.
Your mom is so fat, when she went to the ugly contest, they said, "No professionals."
Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.
That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
What is your favorite time of day?
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"
Happy April Fool's Day.
I am the fool, now fuck me.
Why are modern women trash?
Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.