Day jokes
Hi 👋, was the day you?
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
Q: Why are flat-earthers seen so many these days? A: Because one girl wore an earth-printed shirt.
Your mom is so fat, when she went to the ugly contest, they said, "No professionals."
Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.
That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
What is your favorite time of day?
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"
Happy April Fool's Day.
I am the fool, now fuck me.
Why are modern women trash?
Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)