Day jokes
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?
Donald Grump.
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?
Leg day.
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
What is the best time!? 6:22 a.m.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.