Day jokes
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.
Hi, how are you doing today?
Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".
Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!