i saw a monkey outside of school and said a look a monkey i got expelled the next day.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day, I love being a hitman
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on, I said : Are you an orphan?. He said : Yeah what gave me away? I said : Your parents buddy
How do you make a blind person jealous you ask if itβs a nice day out
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think damn better luck next time
My grief counsellor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
i love the way the earth rotates
it really makes my day
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? Do you want to go home.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch, at him I thought I would brighten up his day
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing but one sounds like a threat
Did you know there was a record for quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds
why did the depressed kid jump off the bike it was free depressed day.
