Quote of the day: Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day [Comment your favorite fall beverage]
i try and try every day.. but 5 keep comibg out theres so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Its past April fool's day and we still have a joke as president.
I had morning wood one day then my sister saw and said I can help
My grief counselor died the other day
He was so good at his job, i don't even care.
Your walking one day and a little kid about 5-6 years old comes up to you asking, "What's a condom"? You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell to them.
Hope everyone is having a good day ❤️
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid? Father's Day
my friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day she was pulled in by a strong "currant"
whats an orpans least favorite day: take your kid to work day
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and i thought, huh, that's a little con-descending
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t Remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said “your about to become history”. I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose. Hey give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded! Oh no not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys I just lost my finger a day ago this is Tony later on
>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics
Just another day in the defib life
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
