I bought these trainers from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced it with but i have been trippin’ all day.

I tried to eat a clock the other day. it was very time consuming

What day should you drink water? Thursday, Thirstday

So one day i walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn’t look like anyone in the famloy she starts to cry my mom ask why shes crying and i say i told her she was adopted and i was tgere for the adopten and we have peppers it was all a lie she is not adopted and every thing is fine

Never drink tea in school… L give people tea if they’ve passed out…tea can be nice but only havd it once a day… Its not what you think… Its not tea its CPR

You don’t usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days. But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: “Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!”

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how to feel about that.

There was once a boy who took a selfie and the next day became and orphan

if the average male walks 1.7 miles a day then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk

I did have a good night sleep good day today and tomorrow I have for a good night sleep and sleep with my

One day Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?

Ground Beef

What time is it when you get home can you walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school 🏫 oooooo day a great 👍 night for

What is yellow and brings kids to school every day

Earlier that day… Mars:Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns Mission on space Mars:Moon?You okay? Moon:… Mars:Moon come on! Stop SPACING out! Venus and Moon giving her the smirk

(on thirteenth birthday) Girl: Ma, why did papa leave? Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago…

Yo mama so fat she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueling

What does Stephen Hawking press after he’s had a hard day?


what did the lampshade say to the light bulb? you brighten my day.

Here’s a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

Why is the pizza place busy because it’s pizza day 😂