Day jokes

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

Hi, how are you doing today?

When do cows moo? Moosday.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

Someday you'll go far.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D