My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgent coming in tomorrow im super excited to work with him the next day we had to do our first ever open hart surgery so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient so we finished the surgery and went out side for a smoke and we were talking I said why did you keep the patients blood on your glove? He replied we in my free time I test it for anything diseases HIV the next day I got invited to his house and we had some drinks I said this is amazing red tea what is in it just the 2000 people you have cut opened .
Hey guys! just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! have a good day!
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today. And treat others how you want to be treated! Rate your day scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
one day my dog died because we couldn't find him then we got a cat on the same day then my cat went missing and when I was crying we heard are Asian neighbour was having a party then we went over and i saw my dog and cat on the grill and they eat them. in front of me saying yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed, turns out the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What do you call field day in Africa?
The hunger games
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
my mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT me: what's for dinner Mom and Dad: food The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD my brother and sister what's for dinner: mr: food ;-;
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on mother's day....
wanna know something the orphan could never do
wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sibling" Santa Claus wrote him back and said "okay, send me your mother"
whys a orphan's least favorite day field trip day because they can't get a parents signature
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
So the other day my black friend work are group project he was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
me: calls suicide hotline hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging
One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”
